Category Archives: tweens and teens

It is NOT OK

July 17, 2008celebrities, Parenting, tweens and teensKirsetin

Today I am utterly, thoroughly, disgusted. I have listened this past month, with a heavy heart, to the story of the girls in Gloucester, Massachusetts and their naïve pact to join one another in childhood pregnancy. Setting aside for a minute the myriad issues that surround such a pact, let’s focus on this: these are girls having children. They’re not young women, they’re not even legal to vote. I have wondered about these girls and their dreams; I have despaired that their desire for love is so great that they’re grabbing it the only way they know how: by creating a life that will love them.

But will it feel like love after those first few days? Will they feel loved and fulfilled and happy when they’re tiny little baby crops a fever of 104 in the middle of the night and they are all alone to deal with it? Will they feel the love when their little sweetie has colic and screams for hours on end, with no apparent consolation in sight? Will they feel love when they are exhausted and at their wits end, and the baby is hungry yet again. What about money? Diapers, formula (surely they won’t all breastfeed), clothing, and baby gear don’t come cheap? How will they provide for the child?

Moreover, how will they provide for themselves? How will they feel about themselves? Today? Tomorrow? In ten years? And in a few years after that, how will their little boys and girls, now adolescents, feel about them? My heart wrenches when I think of their futures, and the futures they are offering to these tiny, unsuspecting babies.

So this pact has been on my mind, and my heart has gone out to these girls and the mistakes they have made. And then I turn around and see none other than Jamie Lynn Spears, apparently the new posterchild for teen motherhood, declaring to OK Magazine that motherhood is “so much fun.” I just want to hug her and kiss her,” she proclaims of her new daughter, “and I’m happy all the time.”

Well, good for you Jamie Lynn. And shame on OK Magazine for glamorizing one of the most difficult possible situations in which a young girl can find herself. There is no better way to word it: I am simply disgusted. Of course, teen motherhood must be absolutely lovely, with all of the help the income from Zoey 101 (Jamie’s TV show) can provide. It must be just great, when, compared with your older sister, your teen pregnancy is the least of the family’s worries. But for all of the other girls out there, who don’t have these resources, and are desperately craving love and comfort, you’ve just sent the absolute wrong message. It’s not all fun and games, girls, and certainly not if you’re sixteen, on your own, uneducated, and broke. And here’s the thing: It’s just not all about you.

Do You Know What’s On Your Child’s IPod?

May 8, 2008celebrities, media, tweens and teensKirsetin

PARENTAL ADVISORY: EXPLICIT LYRICS FOUND HERE

Dear Friends,

I’ve known some of you for many years, others for just a short time. Regardless, I know that you love your children as dearly as I love mine. I’ve realized, during the past eleven+ years of parenting, that each of us brings our own experiences, values, and desires to the parenting table. One way doesn’t work for all of us, and it shouldn’t.

That said, many of you also know the trouble I have with lyrics to some of the songs that are topping the charts right now. During a recent conversation with a friend, I realized that some of you probably think I’m nuts. Oh, her. She’s the crazy one. Lyrics Nazi.

But I am not crazy, I promise. I’m not even that easily offended. I am simply informed and disturbed by the constant repetition of these lyrics straight from their iPods into our childrens’ heads. Over and over again.

So if you are easily offended—or ignorant of these lyrics and wish to remain so—please stop reading now. You can click here to read a happier post.

For those of hardier stock, forge on.

Song 1: Low by Flo Rida (Guest rapper T-Pain)

This song is all over the radio and very catchy. I found myself singing along to the chorus one day, after driving for 7 hours and hearing it 700 times. When I returned home, I asked my 11-year old if he was familiar with it. Yes, of course, because he’s the only one who doesn’t have it on his iPod. My fault, again. I am not winning big points here. Thank goodness parenting isn’t about winning points or I’d be in serious trouble.

Partial Lyrics (for full lyrics, click here)

Hey Shawty what I gotta do to get you home 

My jeans full of gwap …

…One stack (come on) 

Two stacks (come on) 

Three stacks (come on, now that’s three grand) 

What you think I’m playin baby girl 

I’m the man, I’ll bend the rubber bands

That’s what I told her, her legs on my shoulder 

I knew it was ova, that Henny and Cola 

Got me like a Soldier 

She ready for Rover, I couldn’t control her 

So lucky oo me, I was just like a clover 

Shorty was hot like a toaster 

Sorry but I had to fold her, Like a pornography poster 

…

Yea she was worth the money 

Lil mama took my cash, 

and I ain’t want it back, 

The way she bit that rag, 

got her them paper stacks, 

Tattoo Above her crack, 

I had to handle that…

I’ll leave the translation to you. If you don’t have any idea what it’s about, you can e-mail me. Here’s a hint: He’s paying her for sex. If you care to peek at the video, here it is. I find less offensive than the lyrics, which isn’t saying much.

/p>

Song 2: Lollipop by Lil Wayne

Currently #1 on the charts. This is a catchy tune that kids love.

Partial Lyrics ( for full lyrics, click here)

I say he so sweet make her wanna lick the wrapper

So I let her lick da rapper.

She say I’m l-l-l-l-l-l-like a lollipop (yeah)

She say I’m l-l-l-l-l-l-like a lollipop (yeah) …

…Shawty wanna hump

You know I like to touch

Ya lovely lady lumps

(She lick me like a lollipop)

…Shawty wanna hump

You know I like to touch

Ya lovely lady lumps

Ok lil mama had a swagga like mine

She even wear her hair down her back like mine

I make her feel right when its wrong like lyin

Man she ain’t never had a luv like mine

But man I ain’t never seen a ass like hers

Dat pussy in my mouth had me lost for words

So I told her back it up like burp burp

And I made dat ass jump like jurp jurp

And dats when she

Say I’m l-l-l-l-l-l-like a lollipop (yeah)

If you didn’t catch it the first time around, this one’s about a guy getting a blow job.

See the video here:

Yes, there are “clean” versions of these types of songs. But the “clean” versions simply delete the expletives. Does it really matter if a song says “ass,” when he’s talking about her “pussy in [his] mouth”?

Contrary to what our kids would like us to believe, the lyrics matter, my friends. It’s not just about the beat. What our kids listen to day after day, on bus rides, soccer trips, and hanging out with their buddies, matters. Because each of our families function differently, I’m not telling you to ban this music. But I am asking you to pay attention. Know what your kids like to listen to & talk to them about what they’re hearing. Think about, please, whether you want this drivel filling your kids’ heads, regardless of what everyone else is listening to.

And let’s not even get into the grammar…

Brave New World

March 25, 2008Facebook, kids, media, Parenting, tweens and teensKirsetin

So…..Facebook. The thing we all know about the Internet, as parents, is that anybody can post anything and just about anybody else can read it. This is the part our kids don’t always get: what part of world wide web is it that don’t they understand? Partly because they’ve grown up being supremely comfortable with technology, it’s easy for our kids to look at Facebook as their own private online corner of the world. But it’s not. Private should never even be uttered in the same breath as Facebook. And even if you don’t want your kids out there, please realize that even the most sheltered kids can usually get access, whether it’s at the library or their friends’ homes. The Scouts and the Coast Guard have it right: Be Prepared and Always Ready.

In an effort to be both prepared and ready for my children’s eventual enrollment on Facebook, I talked to moms whose kids are already out there. Here’s what they had to say:

Consider setting your child’s account up using their middle name as their last name. Their friends will know how to find them (trust me!), but it will be harder for a stranger to track them down.

Use the privacy settings to ensure that only their approved “friends” can see beyond a brief bio.

Use the privacy settings, but don’t stop there. Be aware of what your child is writing, to whom, and vice versa.

Get your own account and have your child accept you as a “friend.” Bummer for them, yes. Will they resist? Probably. Do they want to be on Facebook? Play the parent card: you need to know what’s going on.

Kids want to collect friends, which is one of the reasons you have to know what’s happening. Who are all these friends? (They’re really friends of friends, which can mean total strangers.) I have 10 friends on Facebook, which is completely unacceptable for anyone under the age of 30. (Please note: I’m no longer in that unique group.) When I checked the Facebook accounts of two of my high school babysitters (and yes, you can do this!), they both had about 500 friends. They are mocking me and my 10, I’m sure.

Watch out for random photos. Two of my friends have high-school aged kids, whose older cousins are in college. The fun-loving cousins frequently post photos of their fun-loving college escapades to their Facebook accounts. The cousins are, of course, Facebook friends with the high-school girls. Enough said? What kind of photos would you have posted in college?

Know your kids’ passwords. Another bummer, I know, but don’t abuse it and it doesn’t have to be. There’s no need to comment when your son gets four messages on his wall from four different girls. But if there’s something more going on, then it’s a bummer for everyone and you need to know about it.

Check your kids’ Facebook e-mails. Many older kids don’t even use regular e-mail anymore. Once they get connected with all of their friends on Facebook, they just communicate there. Also, be aware that it’s possible to check your kids’ e-mails and then mark them as unread. It’s sneaky, I know. Again, you don’t want abuse it, but it’s good to check in from time to time. If it’s all minor, no harm, no foul. If it’s major, looking at their e-mail won’t really matter. They’ll have much bigger issues to worry about.

Talk to your child about whether they really want to use the “Top Friends” feature. It’s extremely popular, but there’s a bit of a mean streak in it. Think back to the cliques and pain of middle school and high school. Think back to just trying to fit in. Now think about what it would be like if everyone you know is out there on Facebook, and all of the “cool” kids are listed on GQ Athlete’s Facebook “Top Friends,” except for you. Ouch. I’m also told that kids use this feature as a sort of bribe, as in, “Well, if you don’t do x, I’m going to take you off of my ‘Top Friends’.” Nice, isn’t it?

It’s a Brave New World out there, moms.