I was thinking about starting a Why My Kids Don’t Watch TV blog. Except my kids do watch TV. They don’t watch much, it’s true. They don’t even ask; it’s a non-issue, really. And how we got here, and why we got here is so simple and so complicated that it’s hard to articulate. It’s especially hard to articulate without offending you, the rest of the world, because it’s a different choice, and we all know how people feel about different. I can practically see yours eyes rolling now.
But word gets out and then I get questions and instead of trying to answer them over and over again, I thought, “Hey, I should blog about that.” But really? Who wants to read that blog? Should I start one about avoiding high-fructose corn syrup, too?
So here’s what happened–the simple part–in as small of a nutshell as I can manage.
Back in the days when I worked in a lovely high rise in a fantastic city, full time, pre-kids, and newly married, I observed the lives of several of my part-time colleagues with interest. They all had small children and their days off sounded lovely. The Today Show followed by Barney (I’m that old) and a leisurely breakfast with their toddler. Yes, obviously now I get the irony. There is no such thing as a leisurely breakfast with a toddler but you know, the grass is always greener and at the time it was a very nice fantasy. I thought, “One day, in a time far far away, I too will have a baby. Instead of fighting traffic on I-5, some days I will sleep in, we’ll watch TV and enjoy a bowl of Captain Crunch together.”
Yes, you can keep laughing.
Years later when my first baby arrived, I took a 4-month leave of absence. I would love to tell you that I enjoyed 4 months of blissful bonding with my baby so much that I didn’t dare poison his mind with TV. But it didn’t go down that way. For so long, I had identified myself with my work. I loved my work. I hated grocery shopping during the day. It felt so humiliating: All of these people know I’m not at work! In retrospect, it seems silly, but at the time? Painful. Also, the crying. Being the research-y type that I am, I’d read every parenting book I could find. I knew what was coming. I knew the baby would cry and that sleep would be occasional but I didn’t know how those things would make me feel. My poor husband would leave for work in the morning with me crying, “Please come home early,” and come home to the baby crying–his colicky time was 6-9 PM–and so it went. Good times.
It was no surprise then, that I hired a college-age babysitter to come to the house and returned to work, pronto, at the end of the 4 month mark. I worked from home while she played with the baby, and went into the office once a week or so to give presentations, attend meetings, and catch up on the office news. For myriad reasons that belong in a different post, 5 months later I left the job I loved to stay home with that almost-done-with-colic baby. I still did consulting work for my old company, which was a good compromise for me and I stopped crying when my husband left for work,which meant it was a good compromise for us, too.
And so, The Today Show, right?
But no. It didn’t work out that way after all.
The easiest explanation I can give for my change of heart is this: My baby was busy exploring the world. He was playing with blocks or Brio trains or banging things into each other to see what would happen. If I wanted to sit him down in front of the TV, he’d have to stop doing those other things. For me, it wasn’t worth the trade.
For me.
And here’s the catch with parenting. I really don’t think everyone should parent their children the same way. If you take your kids to Disney every year, do you think I’m a bad parent because Disney is at the very very (and I mean very) bottom of my vacation destinations? I hope not. If your kids are fantastic travel soccer players, and I choose not to pursue travel soccer for my kids, am I wrong? I don’t think so. Life just doesn’t work that way. Do I think there are some choices we can all make that are better than others? Sure, but who among us is perfect? Go ahead and cast that stone if you dare.
My kids never formed the habit of watching TV; they don’t even know what’s on when. Except for Packers’ games. Those early days of watching Brett take them to the SuperBowl must’ve made a lasting impression. This isn’t an issue we argue about. TV rarely fits into our lives–between school, homework, meals, sports, and playtime, I don’t know where we’d find the extra time to watch a show on a regular basis. But we do watch occasionally or if there’s something on we think we’d all enjoy. And I watch Tina Fey every Thursday night, which I count as the official start of the weekend.
But I haven’t seen The Today Show since college. Go figure.
