Category Archives: media

Does Facebook tether us to the past?

December 16, 2011media, nostalgiaFacebook, media, nostalgiaKirsetin

After the rush-rush of the morning, with two boys off to the bus stop and one delivered to school, I enjoyed a peaceful moment alone. I listened to the radio, sipped my early gray, and drove towards my Pilates class.

On NPR, Diablo Cody was being interviewed about the new movie Young Adult, which stars Charlize Theron and for which Ms. Cody wrote the screenplay. It’s Ms. Cody’s second screenplay to make it to the big screen; the breathtaking and award-winning Juno was her first.

Ms. Cody talked about writing the screenplay and developing the character Mavis Gary, played by Theron. It was a fairly typical interview, and then, as they were about to wrap up, she added a short commentary that stopped me cold. Having arrived at the gym, I stayed in my car for an extra minute and listened, transfixed. In a few simple sentences Ms. Cody was able to articulate something I’ve been wrestling with, something that’s been on the outer fringe of my consciousness, but blurry and indistinct for some time. Here’s are her clarifying words:

“I feel like I’m part of a generation of people who are stuck in the past and are really self-absorbed. I mean, we’re actually taking pictures of ourselves and posting them on Facebook, and keeping in touch with people that should have been out of our lives 15 years ago. Obsessing over who’s getting married, who’s having kids, who’s more successful. It’s like we’re recreating high school every single day using social media. And it’s weird.

Sentence by sentence her points resonated with me.

1. “…stuck in the past…” This makes me think: Can we linger in the past and fully embrace the present?

2. “…taking pictures of ourselves and posting them…” She’s right. It’s weird.

3. “people that should have been out of our lives 15 years ago…” We grow up, we move away, we move on. Sure, some friendships last a lifetime, but how many of your cherished lifetime friendships came about because you reconnected on Facebook or Twitter? See also points 1, 4 & 5.

4. “Obsessing over who’s [got what].” Enough said.

5. “…recreating high school…” Lord help us all.

At the heart of why her words affected me so deeply, I think, is that I like seeing old friends on Facebook. I like knowing where people live and how many kids they have, if any. It’s fun to see that we all turned out okay—we grew up and got our acts together and no one ended up in a ditch by the side of the road. In high school, I mean, who could know? Even more, as a military brat my high school friends and their parents are scattered across the globe. We don’t have a common hometown where we bump into one another at the grocery store when we’re visiting our parents for Christmas.

But all the while that I’m posting and connecting and stalking old friends’ family photos, I find something disconcerting about the whole thing. I haven’t been able to pinpoint it—I’ve danced around all of the things Ms. Cody articulated—but I didn’t let myself look in the mirror quite so closely until she held it up in front of me.

What do you think? Does social media encourage us to become more self-focused, to concentrate on putting our shiniest, best self forward, to the detriment of authenticity with others? Does it drag us into envy and tether us to the past with consequences for our current social and emotional growth?

I think I’ll go ask my friends on Facebook.

Teens and Dating

March 9, 2011media, Parenting, tweens and teensKirsetin

One of the very first blogs that I liked, that I read regularly, was Chris’ Notes from the Trenches. She was homeschooling her brood at the time, lived in a different state, and kept me laughing and nodding my head with every single post.

photo credit: danorth1

Those of you who read this blog regularly know that I have some strong feelings on kids and media–I’ve even published a book about it. As a mom, I worry about sexting, put iTunes songs through a lyrics check, and think that a group of kids hanging out together ought to put their phones away and hang out with each other, for goodness sakes.

What’s all that have to do with Chris from Notes from the Trenches? She also happens to write for alphamom, and recent wrote this post about teens and dating. If you’re the parent of a teenage boy, you’ve got to pop over and read it. Although her son’s experience may be a bit extreme, this is the kind of stuff that goes on. For real. I found myself nodding in agreement more often that I’d like to admit.

If you have a teenage daughter, as several of my close friends do, fair warning: Chris’ post is about her son’s aggressive girlfriend. And I will say right here and now that my friends’ daughters are not a part of this crazy club. They are so far from this kind of aggressive–any kind of aggressive, even–that they’re in an entirely different class of kid.

So it’s not that all girls are aggressive. It’s that the ones who are, really are.

As grown-up girls ourselves, I think most moms would agree that this has been true of boys through the ages. Would you agree? I certainly knew non-aggressive boys who were perfectly nice dates and others with whom I wouldn’t have wanted to be alone in a dark room on any day of the year.

So why all the thoughts about girls? I think it’s because this kind of forwardness, this really aggressive behavior is newer for girls. I’m not sure exactly what the impetus is–maybe it’s easier to be aggressive via texting or email, maybe girls are more assertive earlier (a good thing) and are confused about how assertiveness and sexuality co-exist peacefully; maybe “love” seems more real, sooner, because kids don’t connect by passing notes in class, but by texting and Facebooking each other endlessly.

Regardless of why, and regardless of whether we’re parents of boys or girls, we’re all parents. And every parent I know is trying their best to raise kids who are kind and thoughtful and decent. None of us want our sons or daughters to be overly aggressive dates or spouses. So, I point you to Chris’ post in order to get you thinking, right along with me.

Let Kids Play, Silly

January 7, 2011academics, activities for kids, media, ParentingKirsetin

In our hurry-hurry, be-the-best-you-can-be, read-at-4, master-violin-by-7 world, we’re losing something.

If they’re lucky enough to have any downtime, our littlest kids are likely to spend it tap-tap-tapping away on an iPad, a computer, or playing the latest game on their X-Box or Wii. Leapster, anyone?

Older kids can add hours of texting and quality time on Facebook to the list.

Parents are starting to ask themselves, “Is anyone making forts out of couch cushions anymore?”

We lament it, but sometimes we secretly like it, too. A plugged-in kid is a quieter kid and independently occupied kid, a kid who isn’t asking us to play Candyland while we’re trying to make dinner. As every parent knows, it’s a quandary.

What’s a busy parent to do?

Moms like Sarah Wilson are joining the trend to bring imaginative play back into the lives of children. I whole-heartedly support this effort, and am both stunned and saddened that it’s even become an effort. If you’d like to get on board, but aren’t sure where to start or how to help your kids learn to entertain themselves, here are a few ideas I hope you’ll find helpful:

10 Rainy Day Activities for Kids (includes a super easy recipe for homemade play-doh)

Fun Summer Games for Kids: 9 of My Kids’ Favorites

Legos and Kids: The Pros and Cons

Old-Fashioned Fun

Any favorites to add, or links with great ideas? Please share them!

Update:
Check out Mayberry Mom’s ideas for Artsy Activities on her Family Fitness Site.