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We’re more than halfway through January, and I’m embarrassed admit that my children haven’t finished writing their thank-you notes for Christmas. Yikes! How did this happen? We have litany of reasons, of course: the looong drive home from visiting family (too tired), the quick return to school (too much homework), and basketball and soccer practice (too busy). But the truth is that these aren’t reasons; they’re simply excuses. Having kids write thank-you notes means parents need to be present, and I haven’t been. My own calendar’s been chock-full and in the evening I look forward to winding down with a lovely glass of Merlot. Relaxing in my favorite chair doesn’t include helping kids say “thank you”.

But we’re buckling down, now. We’re getting to it. We’ll mail the notes by the 25^th if I have to run a sweat shop here.

I don’t know what Emily Post has to say—probably that letting a whole month go by is akin to sticking your tongue out at the kindness of the gift givers—but I feel better knowing that we’ve got them in under the wire. One month is better than two, right?

This year we’re more behind than usual, which is probably why I’m feeling the stress. Generally, we don’t let it go this long. But since I don’t know any kids who clamor to write them, and I haven’t been on my parenting-with-manners game, the time has slipped by. If your kids are among the few who graciously grab the pencil and hop to it, count your blessings. For the rest of us, here are a few suggestions to help get the thank-you ball rolling:

Stuff their stocking. Every year, along with random miscellany from Target and a deep red pomegranate, my children find thank-you notes in their stockings. They also get them for birthday gifts—and there are usually just enough to get through the current gift-getting occasion!

Break out the glitter and markers. It’s the old “skin in the game” idea. When kids help create their own thank-you cards, it’s more fun to send them. You have several options here. The most inexpensive is to simply take some paper out of your printer, fold it in half, and let them express their creativity on the cover. Craft stores like Michaels and Hobby Lobby also sell blank note cards that kids can decorate to their hearts. For the past few years, my kids have drawn a picture that we’ve sent to Original Works to create cool note cards. Any way you do it accomplishes your goal: they’re invested.

Show, don’t tell. One year my son was complaining, endlessly, about the time it takes to write thank-you notes. I’d had enough. The next time he was invited to a birthday party, I put my plan into action. We checked the clock. He did some chores and earned some money. It took quite awhile, and he didn’t earn much. We checked the time again, and then we drove to the toy store. We wrote down the prices of games and toys he liked. We calculated how long it would take to earn a gift that cool, how long it took to drive to the store, and how long it took to look around and select something he wanted to give. Don’t forget about the time to wrap the gift! We talked about how every single gift he receives takes time and money and effort. He got it. The old adages are true: Seeing is Believing and Actions Speak Louder Than Words. Worked like a charm.

Make it easy. If your kids are like mine, too many gifts come through the door for any given occasion. Rather than sitting down to thank everyone at once, set a few “writing appointments” throughout the day or week. My 6-year old can handle one or two notes at a time. My older boys, at 9 and 12, can do many more. But asking kids of any age to write 8 or 9 notes at a time is a deal-breaker for encouraging gratitude.

Talk about it. Showing thankfulness doesn’t always come naturally. Some extremely verbal children can write a note that sounds like they copped it from Miss Manners herself. Other kids struggle to get past “Dear Auntie Jo.” Before they pick up their pencil, talk to your kids about which gift they’re writing about. Help them think of one or two things they really like about that gift, so they can describe it in their own words. Most children aren’t likely to add a conversational ending, so give them a few suggestions: I enjoyed seeing you at Christmas; I hope to see you soon; I had a lot of fun at my birthday party; etc. A kind one-liner before they sign off can add a much-needed sentence and help them develop better note-writing skills.

Go Digital. Take a photo of your child wearing the pants, building the Legos or shooting the Nerf gun. Your child can keep a copy for their room or scrapbook, and include one with their note.

Bribery. Hey, who doesn’t like a few M&Ms for a job well done? Thank-you notes completed without complaint deserve a little snack. Enjoy it, kids, and thank you for demonstrating gratitude.

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