kids | | Page 10

So…..Facebook. The thing we all know about the Internet, as parents, is that anybody can post anything and just about anybody else can read it. This is the part our kids don’t always get: what part of world wide web is it that don’t they understand? Partly because they’ve grown up being supremely comfortable with technology, it’s easy for our kids to look at Facebook as their own private online corner of the world. But it’s not. Private should never even be uttered in the same breath as Facebook. And even if you don’t want your kids out there, please realize that even the most sheltered kids can usually get access, whether it’s at the library or their friends’ homes. The Scouts and the Coast Guard have it right: Be Prepared and Always Ready.

In an effort to be both prepared and ready for my children’s eventual enrollment on Facebook, I talked to moms whose kids are already out there. Here’s what they had to say:

Consider setting your child’s account up using their middle name as their last name. Their friends will know how to find them (trust me!), but it will be harder for a stranger to track them down.

Use the privacy settings to ensure that only their approved “friends” can see beyond a brief bio.

Use the privacy settings, but don’t stop there. Be aware of what your child is writing, to whom, and vice versa.

Get your own account and have your child accept you as a “friend.” Bummer for them, yes. Will they resist? Probably. Do they want to be on Facebook? Play the parent card: you need to know what’s going on.

Kids want to collect friends, which is one of the reasons you have to know what’s happening. Who are all these friends? (They’re really friends of friends, which can mean total strangers.) I have 10 friends on Facebook, which is completely unacceptable for anyone under the age of 30. (Please note: I’m no longer in that unique group.) When I checked the Facebook accounts of two of my high school babysitters (and yes, you can do this!), they both had about 500 friends. They are mocking me and my 10, I’m sure.

Watch out for random photos. Two of my friends have high-school aged kids, whose older cousins are in college. The fun-loving cousins frequently post photos of their fun-loving college escapades to their Facebook accounts. The cousins are, of course, Facebook friends with the high-school girls. Enough said? What kind of photos would you have posted in college?

Know your kids’ passwords. Another bummer, I know, but don’t abuse it and it doesn’t have to be. There’s no need to comment when your son gets four messages on his wall from four different girls. But if there’s something more going on, then it’s a bummer for everyone and you need to know about it.

Check your kids’ Facebook e-mails. Many older kids don’t even use regular e-mail anymore. Once they get connected with all of their friends on Facebook, they just communicate there. Also, be aware that it’s possible to check your kids’ e-mails and then mark them as unread. It’s sneaky, I know. Again, you don’t want abuse it, but it’s good to check in from time to time. If it’s all minor, no harm, no foul. If it’s major, looking at their e-mail won’t really matter. They’ll have much bigger issues to worry about.

Talk to your child about whether they really want to use the “Top Friends” feature. It’s extremely popular, but there’s a bit of a mean streak in it. Think back to the cliques and pain of middle school and high school. Think back to just trying to fit in. Now think about what it would be like if everyone you know is out there on Facebook, and all of the “cool” kids are listed on GQ Athlete’s Facebook “Top Friends,” except for you. Ouch. I’m also told that kids use this feature as a sort of bribe, as in, “Well, if you don’t do x, I’m going to take you off of my ‘Top Friends’.” Nice, isn’t it?

It’s a Brave New World out there, moms.

When my children were younger and I was knee deep in laundry (all those baby clothes!), I envied the mothers of older children whose days and nights weren’t filled with Cheerios and puzzles and Barney (oh yes, this was a few years back). When these mothers of older children said, “Oh, it gets harder, just you wait and see,” I thought they were full of it, or had had really easy babies, or were just lame. Harder? How can it possibly be harder than pretending to have endless patience while changing eight diapers every couple of hours in a sleep-deprived stupor. No way.

Well, way. Yep, sorry to say, those mothers were right. Oh, sure, I get a little more sleep now – lots more, actually. But I know that it’s a temporary luxury, which will come to a screeching halt in a few years when my boys hit high school. And, it’s also true that I don’t have to feed anyone from a spoon or help anyone in the bathroom anymore. There are also several hours in a day when my kids are at school, when, theoretically, I should have time to myself. But because I must be an “involved” parent, instead of relaxing at home with a great book, you will usually find me at a PTO meeting, or in computer class, or even running the class Valentine’s Day party, which is definitely not my forte.

But what those mothers knew, that I was simply in denial about, was this: when your kids get bigger, so do their problems. When my boys were three, “bully” was just some word in a book, an idea to talk about, not some actual kid on the playground who I want to string up by his toes and interrogate. When my boys were three, the pre-puberty hormones hadn’t kicked in, which – as far as I can tell – is the boy equivalent of that time of the month, except it lasts for about a year. Big fun, let me tell you. And when my boys were three, I didn’t worry at all whether we were making the right choices for his future. I mean, at three, they just want you to be with them. Isn’t that great?

I mean, I really miss those toddler years, even the baby laundry.

-Kirsetin

Category Archives: kids

Brave New World

The Good Old Days