Category Archives: friendship

Wise Words: Be Right or Be Kind?

March 26, 2012friendship, relationships, Wisdom From the Ages, Wise Wordsanne lamott, friendship, kindness, quotes, wise wordsKirsetin

Last week, I wrote about George Washington’s advice that “‘tis better to be alone than in bad company.” Mayberry Mom and Velveteen Mama weighed in with thoughts of their own, and I think we all generally agreed on this: we need time alone and it’s hard to come by.

This week, on Wednesday, I’ll be writing about these wise words by Anne Lamott:

“You can either practice being right or practice being kind.”

Oooh, it’s a good one, right?

Can you relate to this quote? I’d love to know if you try to apply this idea, if you’re successful (and if so, how?), or if you generally disagree with it.

You can link up with your thoughts on Wednesday (details on the Wise Words discussion here).

When Are We Better Off Alone?

March 21, 2012friendship, life, perspective, relationships, Uncategorized, Wisdom From the Ages, Wise Wordsfriendship, life, quotes, relationships, wisdom, wise wordsKirsetin

Wise Words: 'Tis Better to Be Alone — photo by Alejandra Mavroski

“‘Tis better to be alone, than in bad company.” -George Washington

Some of us like being alone more than others. I’m in the former camp. Me, a book, a burger, and a beer? Beautiful! There are few things I like better than slipping away for an evening out by myself to relish anonymity and quiet among the crowds.

When I think of us echoing George Washington’s words–perhaps to our children–I think that sometimes words are easy for us to say simply because they’re catchy. We hear a phrase we like, we latch onto it and repeat it without ever stopping to think about what it really means.

But when George Washington says, “’Tis better to be alone, than in bad company,” what does he mean by “bad company”? Who defines “bad”? Because none of us really think we’re spending our free time hanging out with shady characters, do we?

As I thought about this idea, I considered my own friendships. I thought about the ebb and flow, about how sometimes I take more and sometimes I give more. I thought about the time I sat across from my girlfriend and poured my parenting heart out while she listened and encouraged me to hang in there. I thought about the time I spent comforting another friend, whose husband decided that 15 years of marriage was enough for him. I thought about how this ebb and flow is critical to long-term friendship, because none of us can be on the giving side all of the time. And if you’re not taking sometimes, you’re not giving your friends the opportunity to really know you, so you’re not developing a long-term friendship after all. You’re just having coffee.

As I pondered this, I began to wonder about those people—the ones who are always givers or always takers—and I wondered if they fall in the “bad company” category?

Would it be better to spend time alone?

Link up below with your thoughts on these wise words (details here).

On Not Turning Our Back on Friends (Wise Words from Thoreau)

March 14, 2012friendship, life, perspective, relationships, Wisdom From the Ages, Wise Wordsquotes friendship, Thoreau, wise wordsKirsetin

“How often we find ourselves turning our backs on our actual friends, that we may go and meet their ideal cousins.” – Henry David Thoreau

Every time I read this quote it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Do you get that feeling? Is it just me? Perhaps it’s because I’ve been on both sides of this equation.

I’m fortunate to have a wonderful group of friends—some from years and places past, others that I see regularly—whom I’d never turn my back on. These are the women whose company I simply enjoy. We laugh together, mostly; we share life with its joys and challenges; we celebrate each other’s accomplishments and talk through our troubles. We walk, we run, we raise a glass. Sometimes, we cry.

I can’t imagine looking beyond these women for their ideal cousins. They are the ideal cousins.

But I didn’t always have this tribe. I moved a lot as a child, I went to college far away from home. When I graduated, I moved to the other coast. Making new friends is hard; finding the ones you love—even harder. But I’ve been lucky: I’ve made a good friend or two every step along the way. All these years later, that means I have a bevy of go-to-girlfriends that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

As my mind strolled back through the years and friendships, I thought about the insecurity of youth and how I struggled to make my way in the wide, wide world. I thought about how, as I stumbled foal-like towards my tribe, I probably did just what Thoreau says. I made new friends and kept looking, just beyond, for ones that would “fit” me better. I probably hurt some feelings along the way. I probably missed out on some friendships that would have been fast and true.

I also thought about the times I’ve been on the receiving end. Because, let’s face it, I’m not always the ideal cousin. I’ve felt the thin smile, the glance over the shoulder, the “I wonder who’s in the other room?”

Bloggers—do you feel this with blogging? I do. There are so many people in the blogosphere, and so many who are interesting. We want to know them. We want them to know us. Occasionally we meet someone we like. She likes us. But then it turns out that she likes the cool kids more. We don’t hear from her much anymore. There’s no question: the cliques of middle school are alive and well online. And it’s still hard.

But then I wonder if it’s just more obvious in blogging. I wonder if I do this in “real” life without realizing it. Thoreau has me thinking: Am I putting enough energy into my actual friendships? Do these women feel their value in my life, or do they feel like I’m looking over their shoulder for their ideal cousin?

That’s what I love about quotes like this: They give us a chance to analyze and evaluate where we are right now, so that can adjust for the better.

What about you? Link up (details here) with your thoughts on these wise words from Thoreau.