When the beautiful season of summer finally arrives in the cold Midwest, I’ve already been itching to hit the lake for months.  The sand between my toes, the sun on my face (sunscreen, I know!), and my kids laughing like crazy—there’s nothing else quite like it.  But before I go, I must tackle the dreaded task.  You know the one, right?  It’s the task that forces you to stand under horrid lights that magnify every real and imaginary fault you’ve ever despised about yourself.   It’s the annual buying of the bathing suit.

For a couple of years, I avoided this task altogether.  A few years ago, I found a great swimsuit:  a perfect fit and complementary to boot.  So for the next two summers, I bought suits off the rack, avoided the dressing room, and, mostly, wore my old suit.  But, despite their unreasonable price tag, swimsuits aren’t known for their long life and before long I was forced back into the small room with bad lights and a very large mirror. 

The mirror reveals, like no other can, that, yes, I have had three children.  And although I exercise and eat healthily, I’m not a fanatic.  My body is far from ideal, and the sacrifices required to attain that look of perfection are just too high:  come Saturday, I’d like to have a burger with cheese, thank you very much.  Preferably with a nice cold beer.

So what’s a mom to do?  Break out the bikini, go for the tankini, get out those swimshorts, or just behind an oversized beach towel?  Well, whichever floats your boat, I think.  You’re a big fan of the Lilly Pulitzer suit?  Buy one.  Love the shorts with the bikini top.  Go for it.  Just feel better in a one piece with a sarong?  Slip it on.  As for me, perhaps I will brave a bikini on occasion, but for now, I think I’ll stick with the suit I found this year, which I’m quite happy with:  a polka-dot bikini top with a swim skirt.

How about you?  Am I wrong?  Is your motto “No Pilates, No Beachwear”?  Do you prefer a cute cover-up, regardless of the temperature?  Share your thoughts on your blog for a chance to win $150 VISA gift card to spend on your new beach gear, and be sure to leave us a comment so we know where you stand.

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by BOCA.

(Updated on 4/2 – scroll down to find out if you were right!)

As part of an April Fool’s contest on the Blog Exchange, one of the following stories is true; the other, of course, is false.  Can you tell which is which?  Place your vote today!

Story # 1:  The Epidural

“What?!  Why didn’t you have an epidural?  You should definitely get one next time.  They’re great.  When I was in labor, we played cards the whole time.” 

“Wow,” I thought, “cards.  I definitely was not playing cards during labor.”

After I had my first child, I heard variations on this theme from every single friend I have.  In others words, “What were you thinking, girlfriend?  Join our pain-free club.”

So when baby #2 came along, I really considered it.  “Let’s see how it goes,” I thought. “I’ll try it without, but never say never.”  But once again, I missed out on the card playing, and—courtesy of a little Nubain—I made it through a second birth without an epidural.  This time I really heard it.  “Uuuuuh, what are you, slow?” was my friends’ basic response. 

So the third time around (how does this keep happening?), I decided to brush up on my research.  Everything I read convinced me, yet again, to try to go without the epidural.  But my guard was down, my friends’ gloriously pain-free descriptions were echoing in my head, and the female OB-GYN on call proclaimed, “I had one and it was great.  You should get it now, before it’s too late.”  And so I did.

But ten, fifteen, twenty minutes later, there was no change.  My pain was increasing by the second. 

“Hasn’t it started working yet?” the nurse asked, a bit perplexed.

“Not unless I’m giving birth out of my right leg,” came my terse reply. 

And friends, this did not change.  For the duration of my labor I was totally free of feeling in my right leg and the much-hailed epidural did nothing for the rest of me, which was desperate for relief.

I never even got to play cards.

Story # 2: Vanity Gone Awry

It always started with a compliment.  “New glasses?  They’re so cute,” said my friends.  Then came the quick follow up.  “Have you ever thought about LASIK.  I had it, and it was great.  I love not having to clean my contacts or find my glasses.  You should think about it.” 

And I did.  I loved the idea of looking out the window and actually seeing leaves, rather than just a blur of green that I knew would turn to leaves if I put my glasses on.  I dreamed of coming home from a late night out with the girls, and dropping my tired self into bed without having to peel the contacts off of my corneas first.  I asked and asked and everyone loved their LASIK. 

And so I went.  Yes, I signed the waiver, yes I knew about the “potential” drawbacks, but everyone loves LASIK, and the doctor assured me that any difficulties were fairly rare, so I knew it would be fine.

But it isn’t.  And now that it isn’t, all of the other stories have come trickling out, and I have discovered that not everyone loves LASIK after all.  When my surgery was finished, my sight was blurry and I was assured that it would return to normal.  It hasn’t, not exactly.  I now have the privilege of sore, dry eyes and occasional random blurriness.  I see an odd, glowing ring around streetlights and the moon that I’m certain isn’t a heavenly sign. 

And suddenly, peeling those contacts out at 1 AM doesn’t seem like such a chore.  

I really miss my glasses.

-Kirsetin

Read the other April Fool’s contest participants stories at The Mummy Chronicles,  Mayberry Mom, &  my life as it is.

* Updated April 2:  If you voted for the LASIK story, you were very close.  Although I have considered LASIK for years, I have not taken the plunge, mostly because if you look long enough, you, too will find that these kinds of stories abound.  In fact, Abby Ellin recently published LASIK, When the Fine Print Applies to You in the NYTimes, in which she spells out the downside pretty clearly.  But if you voted for the botched epidural, you nailed it!  If you can believe it, they add insult to injury by not even giving you a discount when this happens – you pay full price for the epidural, effective or not.  Thanks for voting!