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| photo by Beth Rankin |
I’ve always been attracted to trouble.
My quandary is that I often see both sides of the story. This propensity manifests in many ways. One is that it’s hard for me to be an activist. Even if I feel strongly about an issue, I can often understand—even if I don’t agree with—the other side. Not always, but often. Another is that my heart goes out to the troublemakers.
Countless hours of my teenage years were spent listening to friends’ tales of angst: an emotionally absent father, a drug-addled mom, boy troubles, girl troubles, thoughts of suicide—I heard a lot. My friends talked and I listened. I kept their worries in my heart.
When mistakes were made and police were called and parents’ hearts broken, I still saw the good. I wasn’t naïve—the good was there. Sometimes it was buried beneath anger and sadness and general teenage drama, but it was there. The boy who stole liquor from his friend’s parents? He was kind and thoughtful. The one who had her stomach pumped? Heart of gold.
Maybe it’s precisely because of these experiences that I see both sides. Maybe it’s why I understand that good people sometimes make bad choices.
As a parent, this gets tricky.
Empathy = good. Hanging out with trouble = bad. Right? My mother must’ve been a nervous wreck.
Our tendency, I think, is to grab the label. He’s the One who stole the liquor. She’s the One the ambulance came for. It’s easier that way. Labels help us navigate life’s choppy waters. They help us identify the people we can play with; they help us identify the children we want our kids to play with. Labels are a convenient basket into which we can sort God’s laundry: That One belongs in the Good basket; wait, toss That One in with the Troublemakers.
We haven’t crossed that bridge yet in our house. Perhaps none of my children will inherit my affinity for listening to others’ tribulations.
But if they do, I want them to know this:
- · There are two sides to every story. Sometimes one side is awful. Sometimes not.
- · There isn’t a perfect person among us.
- · There are a lot of opportunities for redemption between yesterday and tomorrow.
- · Try to listen, to really listen.
What about you? Are you drawn to difficult stories or do you shy away from them? Do you share the complexities of your own story with friends? Do you sort the children that surround your kids?
this was a blessing and a curse to me in my last job in CPS – we were encouraged to look a family's strengths alongside the child safety issues. yet too many times it seems I was going to bat for a family that my supervisor didn't feel quite as warm and fuzzy about. I too was a sounding board to many a friend in my younger years. I really feel there is not much, if anything, that is black and white.