So…..Facebook.  The thing we all know about the Internet, as parents, is that anybody can post anything and just about anybody else can read it.  This is the part our kids don’t always get:  what part of world wide web is it that don’t they understand?  Partly because they’ve grown up being supremely comfortable with technology, it’s easy for our kids to look at Facebook as their own private online corner of the world.  But it’s not.  Private should never even be uttered in the same breath as Facebook.  And even if you don’t want your kids out there, please realize that even the most sheltered kids can usually get access, whether it’s at the library or their friends’ homes.  The Scouts and the Coast Guard have it right:  Be Prepared and Always Ready.

In an effort to be both prepared and ready for my children’s eventual enrollment on Facebook, I talked to moms whose kids are already out there.  Here’s what they had to say:

• Consider setting your child’s account up using their middle name as their last name.  Their friends will know how to find them (trust me!), but it will be harder for a stranger to track them down. 

• Use the privacy settings to ensure that only their approved “friends” can see beyond a brief bio.

• Use the privacy settings, but don’t stop there.  Be aware of what your child is writing, to whom, and vice versa.

• Get your own account and have your child accept you as a “friend.”  Bummer for them, yes.  Will they resist?  Probably.  Do they want to be on Facebook?  Play the parent card:  you need to know what’s going on.

• Kids want to collect friends, which is one of the reasons you have to know what’s happening.  Who are all these friends?  (They’re really friends of friends, which can mean total strangers.)  I have 10 friends on Facebook, which is completely unacceptable for anyone under the age of 30.  (Please note: I’m no longer in that unique group.)  When I checked the Facebook accounts of two of my high school babysitters (and yes, you can do this!), they both had about 500 friends.  They are mocking me and my 10, I’m sure.

• Watch out for random photos.  Two of my friends have high-school aged kids, whose older cousins are in college.  The fun-loving cousins frequently post photos of their fun-loving college escapades to their Facebook accounts.  The cousins are, of course, Facebook friends with the high-school girls.  Enough said?  What kind of photos would you have posted in college?

• Know your kids’ passwords.  Another bummer, I know, but don’t abuse it and it doesn’t have to be.  There’s no need to comment when your son gets four messages on his wall from four different girls.  But if there’s something more going on, then it’s a bummer for everyone and you need to know about it.

• Check your kids’ Facebook e-mails.  Many older kids don’t even use regular e-mail anymore.  Once they get connected with all of their friends on Facebook, they just communicate there.  Also, be aware that it’s possible to check your kids’ e-mails and then mark them as unread.  It’s sneaky, I know.  Again, you don’t want abuse it, but it’s good to check in from time to time.  If it’s all minor, no harm, no foul.  If it’s major, looking at their e-mail won’t really matter.  They’ll have much bigger issues to worry about.

• Talk to your child about whether they really want to use the “Top Friends” feature.  It’s extremely popular, but there’s a bit of a mean streak in it.  Think back to the cliques and pain of middle school and high school.  Think back to just trying to fit in.  Now think about what it would be like if everyone you know is out there on Facebook, and all of the “cool” kids are listed on GQ Athlete’s Facebook “Top Friends,” except for you.  Ouch.  I’m also told that kids use this feature as a sort of bribe, as in, “Well, if you don’t do x, I’m going to take you off of my ‘Top Friends’.”  Nice, isn’t it? 

It’s a Brave New World out there, moms.